It’s a crisis that many parents face as their children grow older, seeing their once brave babies turn into now not so brave adolescents who have locked themselves in the toilet because it’s their day to do the show and tell at school.
Confidence is a key life skill, and an important part of your child’s development, but it doesn’t come naturally! Equally, it doesn’t come nurture-ally, and you shouldn’t blame yourself if your child’s confidence suddenly begins to wane. Gaining confidence is like building a pyramid of peas, where just one tiny knock can ruin it all, sending you back to square one with countless hours of rebuilding to be done. There is no one quick fix for confidence building, but there is one key thing which you can build into your child’s day-to-day life that will help them to gain more self-confidence over time...
Creative activities are a great way of improving a child’s self-confidence. I have been running creative workshops with young people of all ages for the past four years. And not long before that, I was a child myself! I can say for certain that the best way to improve a child’s self-confidence is to give them a creative outlet. Sadly many schools in England are dedicating less and less time to the arts, but through work at home or after-school clubs you can still find amazing ways to engage your child creatively and help them to build their confidence.
Giving children carte blanche to let their imagination take flight is incredibly important for their self-confidence, because by doing so you create a world in which there are no wrong answers. A lot of children get nervous or shy because they carry a fear of being ‘wrong’ - whether that's giving the wrong answer when they’re called upon in school, or saying something ‘uncool’ in front of their peers. The best thing you can do to build confidence is build an environment where they know that there are no wrong answers.
When I run drama or comedy clubs with Moving Waves, that is always at the forefront of my mind. Say you’re running a drama class with a group of 8-10 year olds. You give them very specific instructions to rehearse a preselected scene from The Tempest, and then perform it back to one and other. Giving them such a specific (and difficult) task can seem, to a less confident child, like setting them up for failure. They might be embarrassed to show their work back to the class for fear of it being ‘wrong’. Of course in truth there are no wrong answers in theatre, but when we rush to give a child a list of set tasks and consequences they will often feel frightened to show their true colours for fear of getting it wrong.
So, whatever you're doing, keep it as open as possible! If you’re going to do colouring in, then let them choose what to draw! If you’re going to put on a play, then let them come up with the story! If you’re going to go for a nature walk, then let them be the navigator! Give your kids total control over their own decisions. This might be tough at first, especially if they have been struggling with self-confidence for a long time. They may come to you looking for ideas, looking to be told what the ‘correct’ thing to do is to please you - but don’t give anything away! They need to know that you will be pleased with them for being themselves, not just for doing as you ask.
Once they produce a piece of work, encourage them to show it off and heap them with praise! This might sound obvious, but if you praise your young ones when they put themselves out there they will be encouraged to put themselves out there more in the future.
But, fair warning, children are perceptive little people… Unless you happen to be Laurence Olivier, they can tell if you’re laying it on a bit too thick. Keeping out of the creative process comes into play here too, because you want to be genuinely surprised by what your kids produce. If you tell a 4 year old to draw a house, then you’ll get a drawing of a house and you’ll have to fain excitement for it. If you give them a box of pencils and tell them to go wild, then they will go hide away for 20 minutes and bring you back something genuinely interesting, and weird, and funny, and clever, and you will find yourself unable to contain your genuine excitement for getting a brand new look inside your child’s mind.
Sadly though, as a parent, you can only do so much. The best thing for a child’s self-confidence (or anyone, for that matter) is the respect of their peers. No matter how genuinely impressed you are by the full length Harold Pinter play your 6 year-olds have decided to put on in the dining room , you are still an adult, and therefore hopelessly uncool.
To children with low self-confidence, the family is often a safe haven for showcasing things which they would not dare show to their peers. If you can find a drama club, art group, or a moment at school where your young one can show their work back to their classmates then that will go a long way to boosting their confidence.
I once ran a comedy workshop with a Year 6 class, and taught a girl who had moved to the school late and was struggling to make friends. We set about filming short comedy videos, and then gathered and everyone in the class showed them back to each other - hers got the biggest laughs of the session. Her self-confidence was boosted massively by knowing that she was able to make her peers laugh, and she went on to make great friends in her final months at the school. Get your child into a situation where they feel comfortable showing off their work to their peers, and then watch their confidence swell.
At Moving Waves we offer a huge variety of creative workshops, all tailored to bring young ones out of their comfort zones and build their confidence in a safe environment. Click here for more details!
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